Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
