people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
