I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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