I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
