I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
