i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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