Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
