the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
