3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize