Sry I called you an 8
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
