Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
