I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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