Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
