I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We are all done wearing pants today
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
