thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
wat bout pragnant strippers??
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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