I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
