dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
