Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
