I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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