Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
