he was CRYING into my vagina
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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