I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
