i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
