So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
