hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
