We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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