I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
