You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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