they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
