her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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