i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
