Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
