from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
