Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
