Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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