I love black thongs
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize