I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
