I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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