his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
