Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just cropdusted the office
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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