before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
