I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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