VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
