hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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