i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
