apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
