he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize