I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
