I need to stop coming to work sober
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
