i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
