Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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