It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
