I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
