No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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