Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i dont even know how to be here
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
