Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
