Sponge bath it is.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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