I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize