I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
