like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
