I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
