dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
