Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
