She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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