It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
