No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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