I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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