is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
