Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
