He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
