Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i will never coherently bang her
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
