How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
